The twelve that have past…

I would like to push the proverbial rewind button and relay the happenings in my life, from the 08^th December 2010 to this the 08^thDecember 2011.

Tomorrow a year ago, I made a decision which immeasurably changed not only my life but the life of someone once close to me. As you well know I was in a very serious relationship, with a respectable man, one who loved me and whose heart is truly good. But he was not the right man for me. It took everything in me to deliver the final blow which would kill our very deep routed relationship. That Thursday evening a year ago, I broke a heart, but I saved two (for the long run) in the process.   

To describe all the happenings since that day would require the writing of a book, rather than a little page of me. I prefer the latter-as I have learnt that having to condense things forces me to only pick the stuff that matters!

So you already know the whole story of being homeless, moving house, being single, being in another (somewhat more short lived) relationship, which leads up to where I am now, a year later-single but happy. Over the last twelve months I have learned more than I think I have in the five years that proceeded. Nothing forces you to grow the F up more than being on your own-especially as a woman. Although shivery MAY be dead, I was one of the (fortunate or perhaps unfortunate) ladies who actually had many things taken care of for me. This however causes one to be lacking in experience, even when it comes to the most insignificant of things. So I gained independence and trust in myself. Two aspects I find absolutely invaluable and fear I would fight to hold onto.

To say the least this has been a year over overcoming.  Those close to me know that direction has NEVER been my strong point, these people will even go so far as to relay my most embarrassing experience-I won’t be telling you (not now anyway) but let’s just say I tend to take the “illogical long way round” instead of the “VERY logical just straight on through” route sometimes. This too could serve as a metaphor for my life and how it changed over this past year.  Being frightened of life and constantly feeling unsure causes your vision to blur or become very narrow-sometimes you can’t see that the next right (as in correct-since your aware of my “direction issues” ) step is right there in front of you-you just have to breath, trust and take it! Once you take that RIGHT step, a calm clarity pleasantly begins to reign where the stressful blur once was.  I went from a frightened, hole-hearted, lost girl to the (I dare say) brave, whole-hearted woman with a far greater sense of direction (on the road and in my life).   

I have seen and experienced sadness and heartache this year, it certainly had its downs but on a whole, looking back, not only at my life but at the lives of those close to me, it has been “A Good Year” after all!!

I can only hope that the next twelve months, and all the excitement and change they hold, serve to be as enlightening as the twelve that have past!

ALDEN

How far can one stretch the bounds of Friendship?

It is said that you can choose your friends but not your family. This is true-to a point. But then take a look at your closest friends and think back on how they came to be your trusty amigos and you may find that you were brought together, most likely, by situations or circumstances somewhat out of your control.    

Upon meeting one of my best friends, well, we didn’t have much time for one another to tell you the truth and then something happened, looking back-I can’t even remember what but we became friends and that’s that-I don’t think I chose her friendship-it just happened. Another friend and I have literally known one another since infancy and despite ups and downs along the way, she and I are still friends today. To give another example, I consider my two flatmates to be two of my closest friends and one of them I barely even know before we moved in together. Circumstances brought us together as friends, no real choice was involved.

However, we may become friends with people through little choice of our own at times, but, staying friends is a whole other ball game. As friends-real friends, we take the bad in with the good. No-one is perfect, that’s why we need them. Sometimes they build us up or keep us grounded, other times; they are simply there for us.

As friends it is our job to have each other’s best interests at heart and at times we may even voice our opinions on the choices our friends make. To a degree, this is fair and helpful but at the end of the day we are all the governors of our own choices and as friends, we don’t actually have that right we think we do… the right to judge our friends! What with us not actually having the right to judge at all… Even though at times we tell them how we feel about their decisions, purely out of care and concern.

I am going to go as far as saying there are times where, should our friends make decisions which make them completely happy and they are free of any literal danger (even if we aren’t in total agreement of their actions), as friends we should shut our mouths and allow our friends to be happy-truly happy. Does seeing them happy not inadvertently make you happy? We should not be selfish towards our friends, even if their happiness may come at a small cost, let them be, find a way to see the positive, the bigger picture-would you not want them to do the same for you?

Should you ever find yourself in a situation where your friendship with someone is marred by some sort of conflict or difference of opinion or choice that one or both have made. Think carefully before throwing in the towel. Think about the bigger picture, consider all angles and remember why this person was special to you to begin with. Listen to all sides before forming an opinion-subjective one sided aspects can lead to bad judgments and misconceptions-which in turn can poison a friendship.

As adults, we have far more control over our friendships and have the ability to speak more openly and honestly with one another-to resolve issues without unnecessary-immature drama- we all know better than that.

Hear each other out-before terminating friendships, they are precious and true ones are hard to come by in this fickle world.

Where I find myself...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Timeworn as this term may be-it carries serious weight none the less!!!

It is always better to try-even if you don’t succeed and things don’t exactly turn out the way you had hoped or planned. Take what you can from it and move on!

I found myself contemplating as to whether I had recently made several bad choices in my personal life-due to the fact that things well, let’s just say they didn’t quite materialise as I had hoped. After serious thought on my part however, I realised that I hadn’t made bad choices. I followed my heart-took the leap and, although things didn’t work out, I am happy I tried.  Rather than spend my years wondering what could have been. 

Here’s what I have decided to take out of what could perhaps be construed as (another) unsuccessful relationship.  I am an all or nothing kind of girl, I cannot do the in-between.   I am not willing to be in a relationship which finds my ass more often than not perched on its back seat. I am not saying that I am some high maintenance diva type who demands 24 hour attention. But rather, I refer to an adult relationship whereby one’s partner is one’s priority. I refuse to settle; even at the risk of being alone I will remain hopeful. Although I refer to this little item of mine as part of my road to self-discovery, I know who I am fundamentally, which makes it easier to know what you want.

Sometimes a girl’s got to kiss a few frogs-now I am by no means insinuating that those I have kissed in the past have been amphibious in nature at all. I just haven’t found my Prince yet. I know what you’re thinking… that’s not real life, there’s no such thing as fairy tales and I am filling this page with more clichéd notions of love.

I MUST ASK, have you read Captivating and/or Wild At Heart by John and Staci Eldredge, I am not advocating these authors personally and nor am I attempting to market their literature in any way. I just agree with them.  They refer to the fact that we women, since we were little girls find ourselves harbouring acutely strong associations with the Princess’s in the films we watched or books we read and this perpetuates that longing for our Prince Charming to come and sweep us off our feet. This may be an unrealistic notion, to some. I have however witnessed said sweeping and personally know, a few lucky ladies who have found their true Princes.  The makings of such a Prince differs from person to person, each woman is different and as such is (deeply within) attracted to specific characteristics which send off the signal inside that she has indeed found her Prince Charming. The thing is though, what Staci and John also explain is that it’s not the stories that actually caused us to feel this way, it’s simply how we were designed as women. I really do think we all long for the three things the authors of the abovementioned books refer to (you’ll have to read the books to know what they are) but you’ll notice that the longings of these opposite sexes seem to mesh well…  Finding one’s Prince, to me would mean finding the man who lights up and fulfils your longings while you simultaneously do the same for him.

Hopeless romantic, you may say… Perhaps! But I must ask, what on earth is the point of it all if you cannot be completely fulfilled in your love for someone else and with their reciprocal love for you? That’s part of what we were made for!!! To love!!!  To love AND be loved- truly and openly and unconditionally. Why settle for anything less!!!

The ones left behind.

Sounds a little dramatic that title does huhJ

It’s not though, I am not referring to death but merely departure and the resultant effect of someone being left behind as someone else embarks on an expedition (of any sort).

I am slightly stuck here, in order for me to properly give a view on the above; I would have to first have experienced this feeling of “desertion”. I have however been fortunate enough to be spared from this feeling until thus far in my life.

From observation however, I am of the opinion that it is no easier for the one leaving than for the one staying behind.  This too is irrespective of gender.  

Perhaps our generation has become slightly soft. For our parents and grandparents, that the sting of departure and the lingering time encompassed therein, was the norm.  Both man and woman knew the inevitable. Newly wedded couples spent months apart at a time and there were fathers who never saw their babies grow. In my country, we may not have the army taking our significant others from us but business travel is a reality which greats most of us. We are not stagnant by nature and thrive to improve ourselves, our lives and our careers. This often requires travel- to potentially far destinations and for potentially long periods at a time.

One cannot begrudge one’s significant other for leaving “on business”- we must do what we need to do and for some fortunate few, what we love to do!! Travel very often forms part thereof. And, more often than not, someone is left behind…

Let’s initially take it from the perspective of “the one staying behind”. So I am with someone, who inevitably will be leaving for a long period of time, to a destination not reached by vehicle (from where I am anyway) and, where technological communication may be hindered at times.  My question is; how do you prepare yourself for the “departure date”?  And, thereafter, what’s the best way to handle the situation?

Do you simply man the f up and carry on, doing your best to just not think of that other person? Do you take the drastic route and rather terminate the relationship upon departure so as to “spare” each other’s feelings when longing increases and things get harder to handle? Do you remain completely positive at all times (which we would all love to do in all circumstances but it’s never that easy or that simple), remembering that that person is doing what they love and though the distance sucks, it’s not the end of the world…?

The moments of pining are sure to come. The moments of sad self-pity are sure to come. The moments of insecurity are sure to come. And… one will get used to it, to the point of being able to completely function  fully and perfectly well without the person who left. Life goes on!! Whether we want it to or not! It does and it will.

So what should one do?

I don’t actually have the answers thereto. I do however know a few things that MAY help (but we will have to see-and in time we shallJ). I know that life is short and (at the risk of sounding like a hallmark card) we really must make the best of it. So, if you enjoy spending time with someone and you care about that person, do so-even if they are going away. BUT, when the time comes time to say goodbye-the sad self-pity route isn’t going to be constructive-it may be inevitable at times (particularly late at night when one is all alone)but it is not going to win thebattle. Like anything in life-we have a choice! Yes, it will suck, to have the person you care about fly away for a potentially undefined amount of time, but life carries on, you can still be happy! Miss that person but allow yourself to be happy still, find things to take up the time you would have spent together (I am not saying forget it all and move on) but find the coping mechanism that works in a positive way and think of that person with happiness and good longing for safe return-not in sad woe-is me longing which will make that person feel worse about not being there…

BUT-HAHA! I have a big mount now! I realise that! I am preaching to myself is all-trying to cement in me the notion of positivity and happy longing rather than the sad kind…

I shall be taking the journey sometime and will share my perspectives as I go along! I fear I may be commenting on this later with words depicting my naiveté and sheer ignorance.

Posted though, you shall be keptJ  

Tribute to those who teach me with their words…

Tribute to those who teach me with their words…

To quote one of my fave’s, Florence And The Machine have a song called The Dog Days Are Over, in which she sings; “Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back, Struck from a great height, By someone who should know better than that…” Now these words are something to ponder, how happiness can literally come from out of nowhere, and is often sourced by the most unexpected of areas. Do yourself a favour and listen to the song, notice how she says run fast… I think she is saying grab this moment of happiness and run with it while you can. Take the chance-yes, it came as a surprise-hit you like a train on the tracks but go with it-take it all in while it is still here! This is a beautiful and daunting notion, since the leap into happiness, letting go of every inhibition and reservation means opening one’s self up for potential heart-ache and pain. That’s part of life though-pain reminds us we can still feel, it keeps us alive. We should not fear it!

I find I have always had very specific dreams of “happiness” for myself! When I was about 19, I had it all planned out. Was going to be married by 24 and have my first child by 26. Ha-it’s hilarious to think of it now! Although I realise there are in fact very many people for which that specific dream did in fact reach fruition and they are perfectly happy. Life however-had other plans for me-or rather, to be fair, the series of choices I made (whether good or bad) lead me to where I am today. And, I am secretly bursting with excitement at the prospect of discovering true happiness-BLISS. Whether it is short lived and / or followed by tremendous pain makes no matter.

I do want to get married and have babies with a wonderful man whom I adore and I am looking forward to doing the work. By doing the work I mean love him enough to fight for and with him to make it work together. But I am not there yet. And when I am I want to continue my journey of happiness, with him. I am of the opinion that true happiness and inner peace will go hand in hand. I am talking about soul happy-not just mind happy! For cheap thrills will quench the mind (or even the body) a little for a while but will never truly satisfy, not to mention said thrills are tremendously dangerous for the soul. Finding GENUINE happiness will ease the soul into a state of contentment-I thinkJ

Circumstances today, lead me to re-read one of my favourite poems; Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, by Dylan Thomas. I have always felt this poem is telling us that we must not be afraid to act, to really live while we are alive and not wait until we are on our death-beds, fighting for one more moment to do what was never done. It’s about the regrets man faces of things left un-ventured, of the roads not taken and “the one’s” that got away. Regrets….  Dylan is telling us to live, without fear so that when we reach our end one day, we look back and see that our words had in fact forked lightning and our deeds where not frail and did dance in a green bay.

So think about it, where-ever you find yourself on this journey called life. Don’t give in to fear, be brave - be happy. 

Amity....

This is my journey in which I document my exhumation of life as I know it. Life is about love and love takes on many forms.  Although thus far it would appear that the subject of my writing is that of love with respect to the opposite sex, I do in fact have more to add then that. For aside from love for our families-which is of cardinal importance in establishing a happy life (I think), we must have love for our friends.

This past weekend (which rates VERY high on my fun scale thus far), I came to the realisation that friendship is as important as having clean air to breath. To love your friends, for whom and what they are and ALLOW them to love you back. Now this is a platonic kind of love which bears as much to the soul and of the soul as any other non-platonic love may.  It’s never easy to really open up to someone, we all harbour fear of judgment and ridicule from others, this may stem from past experience or from purely never experiencing TRUE friendship before. Tis normal to fear, in love of the platonic and non-platonic kind but know this, the friendships you nurture and cherish will surpass the non-platonic relationships that may fail. This I can personally attest to.

Your friends are the ones you let in, by that I mean, you let them see you for who and what you are, or rather, they saw you for who and what you are and chose to support you anyway. They will not always agree with the choices you make and it is their job to inform you, should you be lead astray or be about to make a fowl decision. But, as much as it’s their job to warn you, it’s their job to support you should you fall non-the less. This is the hard part, but it is the real part. HOWEVER-in order to have your friends stick around for the real parts, you need to nurture your friendships, don’t shut them out, and don’t be afraid to bear the truth to them.

More important than the above is that friendship is a reciprocal relationship!!!!!!! It’s not all about  JUST take take take or JUST give give give. Yes, some of us are by nature either givers or takers, very few individuals are equally blessed in this department. So, if you’re a giver, don’t let your friends trample on you simply because you enjoy the giving-you deserve take too!!! Likewise, should you know that you are a taker by nature, learn to be more giving and put your own needs aside for the sake of your friend’s needs for a change. Without reciprocity, friendship-or any relationship for that matter, will simply not survive.

Ha-am not as wise as that paragraph just made me appear to be, am but a scholar myself. I have just had the opportunity of seeing both sides of the coin in my life and thus know that friendship is worth having and worth giving a part of yourself for.

Who else is going to tell you to man the f up when you’re wallowing in self-pity or tell you to wake the f up and come back down to earth when you become full of yourself or better yet, laugh with you when you do something daft like, oh I don’t know, flashing random passers-by… J

See what's there, not just what you want to see...

I fear I may have been a bit quick to judge. Recent events have caused me to take a look back at my first post and I feel the need to review and amend a few things. I am afraid that the initial post is a tad biased and stems somewhat from a slightly bruised ego. The past has left me a little insecure (a revelation I CRINGE at and saying it out loud-admitting that I’m afraid and that I have been hurt and have myself been marred by my previous relationship-admitting weakness, this is a tough one at that, for weakness implies to me that someone else had strength over me-that I ALLOWED that someone else to have strength over me and I was badly hurt in the process) and as such I reacted inappropriately, childishly even. Not taking into consideration that the subject of said post may in fact be a chivalrous man who was somewhat shy and simply didn’t want to go rushing into anything, that he too may have suffered in some way (relationship-wise) in the past. And let’s face it, as much as we have grown from and healed since our past relationships, they do inadvertently effect how we approach a new/potential relationship. Sometimes with more caution, other times we may feel the need to take more risks but either way, they have a definite effect.

I have no right to, if and when I am with a guy and he fails to make some sort of advance to show that he is interested, assume that he is simply not interested. I can also not automatically assume that a guy is ball-less because he doesn’t come up to a girl and ask her out (am still struggling with this one though!).  The point is, I cannot be as sexist and facetious as to assume that men are not equally as affected and marred by relationships as what women are.

I am now looking at things very differently (or trying to at least) because I do not wish to be a cynical hag who slanders men and who ends up in a feline infested house (I am merely making this slightly extreme and outlandish generalisation to illustrate a point) ALONE, because I was too stubborn to notice that I am not perfect and things are not going to just magically fall at my feet. No, in order to find real love and be in a (proper-meaningful-working) relationship, one must first be open, despite the fear, doubt and pain stemming from the last/past relationship/s (which is far easier said than done) but  very possible, in time.

One must quiet the battlefield within, the one in which fear and doubt and pain are like the shielded army, outnumbering your courage and hope and faith by dark masses. Tougher victories have been secured!! I’m not going to quote Braveheart or 300 (don’t worry) but will say this: MAN UP!!!  

Veil of Veracity

So, if Evangeline and her perpetual truth were to grace the pages of a social network, it would take merely the glance of two sentences (by those who know her true identity) to realise who she really is.  I fear writer hereof may not quite ready for such stripped exposure.

Removing myself from the third person, I have to admit I have long pondered the possible repercussions of such exposure, no doubt some of those able to identify certain of their own characteristics within the protagonists I have presented,  will be  somewhat “peeved” to say the least. It is not my intention to hurt anyone on my path, but I, at the risk on coming across as a little callous, cannot always consider the feelings of others before my own. 

So, should this blog ever be acquainted with other, more often visited parts of the internet realm, I will have to simply take things as they come. Perhaps I think too much of my little “piece” and no one pays it any mind. This is probable. However, I cannot help but secretly hope for that NOT to be the case. I would quite like to spark the interest of a person or two along the way.

I am also open to criticism, I will of course use my discretion in determining whether said criticism is of a constructive nature, or not…

Even those of you who are merely breezing through this will now be thinking that I am not who I say I am. Which may lead one to think; “How can she call her blog ALWAYS IN TRUTH and not even use her own name?”  Should that thought be flashing through your mind, I will not begrudge you.  Although, to be fair, the names are the only falsehood I present you with.  Each scenario of which I speak is true and not adapted in any way. 

When you read things from now on, don’t mentally harp on the fact that I actually go by another name, tis merely an emotional shield at this tender stage of my writing. I do intend on relinquishing myself from this nom de plume, in good time.  For now this slender shroud will leave me feeling safe enough to reveal the aching truths which lurk within me, belligerently trying to stay in the safe darkness they have become so accustomed to.  

Hmmm… got a little heavy there near the end! In all seriousness, I will at times reveal the darker truths within but this is something I do not wish to delve too deeply into as yet. For now, I will try keep it real- hoping that reality is more often sprightly in form and makes for an entertaining read.

It's all been said... but here's my 5 cents (in truth)

They say your twenties are the years you’re meant to make mistakes. Now I understand that there are certain things can only be understood through experience. I do however feel that age and wisdom do not ALWAY go hand in hand. I happen to know a few “aged” folk who have less sense than a teenager, let alone someone my age! I also happen to know a large amount of twenty-something individuals of sound and mature judgment-I live with two such individuals. So the whole age and wisdom thing is highly debatable, I feel. Yes, certainly with experience comes knowledge but if we don’t actually learn from the experience, and continue to act as we did when we were young, it is as good as not having had the experience at all!

 I can honestly say that at my (somewhat) tender age, I have certainly made my fair share of mistakes and bad judgment has overwhelmed my decision making far more than once. I shall not proceed to list the undertakings of my slightly ill guided youth-nothing good can come of it. What I now need to do is “grow up”-mature, if you will. Learning from the mistake is one thing, but to truly mature, one would need to repair the damage made by the mistake and change one’s self accordingly-so as to make a success rather than failure of oneself.  You can’t go back, you can’t undo what was done, you can only face the fact that you f-d up and get on with repairing yourself. I say “yourself” because like it or not, the mistakes we make affect us as a person, they tend to bite juicy chunks out of the steak that is your self-esteem. There is usually a point where all seems lost, hopeless, end of the world-ish… If and when this happens you have to give yourself a proverbial “headslap”!!! Self-pity aint going to get you anywhere!!!!  Yes, it sucks to look back and think of how things went wrong or what could have been, but they did go wrong and you have to accept your hand in it all! I have fully acknowledged my hand (perhaps both were involved) in my past mistakes. I tend to joke about it-to soften reality’s blow, but fact is, I f-d up, I made bad choices and yes they sting when thought of-some even make me feel physically ill. But, it’s over. I don’t want to say one can’t go back-you can, very easily at that! Repeating mistakes is easy, truly learning from them-by CHANGING your ways is infinitely harder-but equally possible!!!

So here I am, not trying to undo the past but trying to re-shape my future, despite my past inaccuracies.  

Thursday.... 2

So this week we celebrated Claire’s 26^th Birthday. Rileigh and I had conjured a weekend of fun for the celebration, last weekend. It started with dinner at an Italian Restaurant, followed by dancing the night away (at a no under 23’s club). The Saturday evening we spent giving ourselves a little at-home-spa-treatment.

We decided to keep it all a surprise and presented Claire with a series of riddles and clues leading up to the weekend’s events. Friday came and Claire still had no idea what the plan was, I was revelling in every minute of the suspense-I love surprises-even if they’re for someone else! We had her pick a sexy number from the (combined) closet. We all went for above the knee dresses, despite winter’s nearing clutches. So all dressed up, we headed off and were joined for dinner by Zoe and her boyfriend. After dinner Zoe went home as she felt ill but her boyfriend joined the three of us as we ventured to the club.

Upon getting our drinks and taking up a spot in the club, we were pleasantly surprised to observe that we were in fact surrounded by an inordinate amount of (very) good looking men. For Rileigh and I this was somewhat amusing since we had not really been “out” since our status changed to that of single.

Claire was pleasantly surprised and was enjoying herself tremendously, we all were. The night however sparked my interest with respect to the interaction of twenty-something’s in a social environment. It has come to my attention that a club-environment is in fact THE ONLY environment in which the male twenty-something feels “confident” enough to actually approach the finer sex. Bars don’t seem to do the trick, perhaps it’s the dancing vibe in the club and the ability to get slightly up close and personal on the dance floor and such, which enables them to “man the fuck up”.  Only, they aren’t though, manning up that is, since the only way they seem to be able to do so is under a state of semi-intoxication, in an ill-lit, loud environment. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy this “interaction” as much as the next girl, I would just like to know why they (the twenty-something men) can’t approach a girl in broad day light, without any form of alcoholic beverage being a catalyst thereto…

So I am left to wonder, are we too intimidating (which I doubt) or do the males of our time suffer from a condition of ball-less-ness? I am starting to lean towards the latter… Pure frustration drives me thereto! I know chivalry is dead but a girl can’t ALWAYS do the chasing! I would rather like to be pursued than to pursue! I’m not saying court me like back in the day, but just don’t be afraid to come up to me and strike up a conversation-during the day-sober!!!

I intend on making it my next little project, to observe and try to better understand WHY it is that men cannot approach woman with ease. Sure there are the few gallant (and perhaps valiant) attempters here and there, these are however few and far between and sadly tend to fall within the creep side of the spectrum… By this I mean they tend to prompt that little voice inside your head say “back away slowly, this one’s trouble” and not trouble in that “Hot-broody-bad-boy” kind of way, but rather the “escaped from a state penitentiary” kind of way… Alas!

I do however remain eternally optimistic and hopeful that there ARE men out there (non-psycho men, who are both decent and attractive), who do not suffer from said “ball-less-ness” and who will prove my theory wrong!

Background...

Initially I had decided to give you a brief overview of my past, so that you may better understand where I am in the present-I decided against that however! Writing about the past seemed to take me off on little tangents and I am not yet ready to expose myself so.

Instead, we shall start at the end of last year (being 2010). I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, two weeks before Christmas.  Sounds awful, because it was, I had loved him but had not been truly happy with him for a very long time. I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach (the one that one SHOULD listen to but so often doesn’t), the feeling which was unavoidably telling me that I was not in the right relationship and that I was not going to find true happiness with this man. I tried blocking it out though, I moved in with him and pretty much changed myself in the hope that I would feel THAT feeling, the one people always talk about, that feeling where you “just know” that you're with “the one”, even during hard times… I never had that, couldn’t find it, couldn’t get myself to feel it. So, I left him, devastated and heartbroken, him, more than me. I took it better than I had expected. I was heartbroken indeed but more relieved than anything else, like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This feeling however, was quickly replaced by guilt. He took it worse however. I had become like a stone inside with respect to him, as opposed to the pathetic meek little girl I had allowed myself become during my relationship with him.  I do however not wish to speak ill of him, or cause you to think the same. He was a good man with a kind heart; his heart however should belong to someone other than me. We were far too dissimilar and so I had to sever the bond which was causing me to fade. I could now become strong again and regain the parts of myself which I had suppressed to the point of near extinction.

You remember I mentioned that I was living with him; yes well this meant upon breaking up with him, I was somewhat homeless…

My friend Rileigh came to the rescue though, she let me stay by her till January while I still had to go to work. I stayed with her for two weeks, until I went home for Christmas.

January I spent at another friend, Zoe, who stayed in a garden flat very near to where I worked. Zoe was planning on moving in with Rileigh and Claire (another friend of mine), in February. The initial plan was for me to take Zoe’s place in the February when she moved out but Zoe decided to keep her place, so I took her spot in the house with Claire and Rileigh. It was while sleeping on Zoe’s couch that the subject from my previous little anecdote contacted me…

So February came at last and the three of us moved into our new place, it was awesome (still is). Claire’s boyfriend lives in the same estate, along with Zoe’s boyfriend. It’s cool having the guys near, makes it more sociable. So, did I mention that Rileagh’s boyfriend and my Ex, (who are really good friends), moved in together.

We have been living happily in our little house for four months now, in which time I changed jobs, Rileigh broke up with her boyfriend and Claire’s boyfriend had to go (rather far) away on business.

That pretty much brings us to present  day-well to last week Friday at least, where the next segment will begin. During which time I will ponder the ball-less-ness of the twenty-something male.