Tomorrow a year ago, I made a decision which immeasurably changed not only my life but the life of someone once close to me. As you well know I was in a very serious relationship, with a respectable man, one who loved me and whose heart is truly good. But he was not the right man for me. It took everything in me to deliver the final blow which would kill our very deep routed relationship. That Thursday evening a year ago, I broke a heart, but I saved two (for the long run) in the process.
To describe all the happenings since that day would require the writing of a book, rather than a little page of me. I prefer the latter-as I have learnt that having to condense things forces me to only pick the stuff that matters!
So you already know the whole story of being homeless, moving house, being single, being in another (somewhat more short lived) relationship, which leads up to where I am now, a year later-single but happy. Over the last twelve months I have learned more than I think I have in the five years that proceeded. Nothing forces you to grow the F up more than being on your own-especially as a woman. Although shivery MAY be dead, I was one of the (fortunate or perhaps unfortunate) ladies who actually had many things taken care of for me. This however causes one to be lacking in experience, even when it comes to the most insignificant of things. So I gained independence and trust in myself. Two aspects I find absolutely invaluable and fear I would fight to hold onto.
To say the least this has been a year over overcoming. Those close to me know that direction has NEVER been my strong point, these people will even go so far as to relay my most embarrassing experience-I won’t be telling you (not now anyway) but let’s just say I tend to take the “illogical long way round” instead of the “VERY logical just straight on through” route sometimes. This too could serve as a metaphor for my life and how it changed over this past year. Being frightened of life and constantly feeling unsure causes your vision to blur or become very narrow-sometimes you can’t see that the next right (as in correct-since your aware of my “direction issues” ) step is right there in front of you-you just have to breath, trust and take it! Once you take that RIGHT step, a calm clarity pleasantly begins to reign where the stressful blur once was. I went from a frightened, hole-hearted, lost girl to the (I dare say) brave, whole-hearted woman with a far greater sense of direction (on the road and in my life).
I have seen and experienced sadness and heartache this year, it certainly had its downs but on a whole, looking back, not only at my life but at the lives of those close to me, it has been “A Good Year” after all!!
I can only hope that the next twelve months, and all the excitement and change they hold, serve to be as enlightening as the twelve that have past!
