Where I find myself...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Timeworn as this term may be-it carries serious weight none the less!!!

It is always better to try-even if you don’t succeed and things don’t exactly turn out the way you had hoped or planned. Take what you can from it and move on!

I found myself contemplating as to whether I had recently made several bad choices in my personal life-due to the fact that things well, let’s just say they didn’t quite materialise as I had hoped. After serious thought on my part however, I realised that I hadn’t made bad choices. I followed my heart-took the leap and, although things didn’t work out, I am happy I tried.  Rather than spend my years wondering what could have been. 

Here’s what I have decided to take out of what could perhaps be construed as (another) unsuccessful relationship.  I am an all or nothing kind of girl, I cannot do the in-between.   I am not willing to be in a relationship which finds my ass more often than not perched on its back seat. I am not saying that I am some high maintenance diva type who demands 24 hour attention. But rather, I refer to an adult relationship whereby one’s partner is one’s priority. I refuse to settle; even at the risk of being alone I will remain hopeful. Although I refer to this little item of mine as part of my road to self-discovery, I know who I am fundamentally, which makes it easier to know what you want.

Sometimes a girl’s got to kiss a few frogs-now I am by no means insinuating that those I have kissed in the past have been amphibious in nature at all. I just haven’t found my Prince yet. I know what you’re thinking… that’s not real life, there’s no such thing as fairy tales and I am filling this page with more clichéd notions of love.

I MUST ASK, have you read Captivating and/or Wild At Heart by John and Staci Eldredge, I am not advocating these authors personally and nor am I attempting to market their literature in any way. I just agree with them.  They refer to the fact that we women, since we were little girls find ourselves harbouring acutely strong associations with the Princess’s in the films we watched or books we read and this perpetuates that longing for our Prince Charming to come and sweep us off our feet. This may be an unrealistic notion, to some. I have however witnessed said sweeping and personally know, a few lucky ladies who have found their true Princes.  The makings of such a Prince differs from person to person, each woman is different and as such is (deeply within) attracted to specific characteristics which send off the signal inside that she has indeed found her Prince Charming. The thing is though, what Staci and John also explain is that it’s not the stories that actually caused us to feel this way, it’s simply how we were designed as women. I really do think we all long for the three things the authors of the abovementioned books refer to (you’ll have to read the books to know what they are) but you’ll notice that the longings of these opposite sexes seem to mesh well…  Finding one’s Prince, to me would mean finding the man who lights up and fulfils your longings while you simultaneously do the same for him.

Hopeless romantic, you may say… Perhaps! But I must ask, what on earth is the point of it all if you cannot be completely fulfilled in your love for someone else and with their reciprocal love for you? That’s part of what we were made for!!! To love!!!  To love AND be loved- truly and openly and unconditionally. Why settle for anything less!!!

The ones left behind.

Sounds a little dramatic that title does huhJ

It’s not though, I am not referring to death but merely departure and the resultant effect of someone being left behind as someone else embarks on an expedition (of any sort).

I am slightly stuck here, in order for me to properly give a view on the above; I would have to first have experienced this feeling of “desertion”. I have however been fortunate enough to be spared from this feeling until thus far in my life.

From observation however, I am of the opinion that it is no easier for the one leaving than for the one staying behind.  This too is irrespective of gender.  

Perhaps our generation has become slightly soft. For our parents and grandparents, that the sting of departure and the lingering time encompassed therein, was the norm.  Both man and woman knew the inevitable. Newly wedded couples spent months apart at a time and there were fathers who never saw their babies grow. In my country, we may not have the army taking our significant others from us but business travel is a reality which greats most of us. We are not stagnant by nature and thrive to improve ourselves, our lives and our careers. This often requires travel- to potentially far destinations and for potentially long periods at a time.

One cannot begrudge one’s significant other for leaving “on business”- we must do what we need to do and for some fortunate few, what we love to do!! Travel very often forms part thereof. And, more often than not, someone is left behind…

Let’s initially take it from the perspective of “the one staying behind”. So I am with someone, who inevitably will be leaving for a long period of time, to a destination not reached by vehicle (from where I am anyway) and, where technological communication may be hindered at times.  My question is; how do you prepare yourself for the “departure date”?  And, thereafter, what’s the best way to handle the situation?

Do you simply man the f up and carry on, doing your best to just not think of that other person? Do you take the drastic route and rather terminate the relationship upon departure so as to “spare” each other’s feelings when longing increases and things get harder to handle? Do you remain completely positive at all times (which we would all love to do in all circumstances but it’s never that easy or that simple), remembering that that person is doing what they love and though the distance sucks, it’s not the end of the world…?

The moments of pining are sure to come. The moments of sad self-pity are sure to come. The moments of insecurity are sure to come. And… one will get used to it, to the point of being able to completely function  fully and perfectly well without the person who left. Life goes on!! Whether we want it to or not! It does and it will.

So what should one do?

I don’t actually have the answers thereto. I do however know a few things that MAY help (but we will have to see-and in time we shallJ). I know that life is short and (at the risk of sounding like a hallmark card) we really must make the best of it. So, if you enjoy spending time with someone and you care about that person, do so-even if they are going away. BUT, when the time comes time to say goodbye-the sad self-pity route isn’t going to be constructive-it may be inevitable at times (particularly late at night when one is all alone)but it is not going to win thebattle. Like anything in life-we have a choice! Yes, it will suck, to have the person you care about fly away for a potentially undefined amount of time, but life carries on, you can still be happy! Miss that person but allow yourself to be happy still, find things to take up the time you would have spent together (I am not saying forget it all and move on) but find the coping mechanism that works in a positive way and think of that person with happiness and good longing for safe return-not in sad woe-is me longing which will make that person feel worse about not being there…

BUT-HAHA! I have a big mount now! I realise that! I am preaching to myself is all-trying to cement in me the notion of positivity and happy longing rather than the sad kind…

I shall be taking the journey sometime and will share my perspectives as I go along! I fear I may be commenting on this later with words depicting my naiveté and sheer ignorance.

Posted though, you shall be keptJ