It’s not though, I am not referring to death but merely departure and the resultant effect of someone being left behind as someone else embarks on an expedition (of any sort).
I am slightly stuck here, in order for me to properly give a view on the above; I would have to first have experienced this feeling of “desertion”. I have however been fortunate enough to be spared from this feeling until thus far in my life.
From observation however, I am of the opinion that it is no easier for the one leaving than for the one staying behind. This too is irrespective of gender.
Perhaps our generation has become slightly soft. For our parents and grandparents, that the sting of departure and the lingering time encompassed therein, was the norm. Both man and woman knew the inevitable. Newly wedded couples spent months apart at a time and there were fathers who never saw their babies grow. In my country, we may not have the army taking our significant others from us but business travel is a reality which greats most of us. We are not stagnant by nature and thrive to improve ourselves, our lives and our careers. This often requires travel- to potentially far destinations and for potentially long periods at a time.
One cannot begrudge one’s significant other for leaving “on business”- we must do what we need to do and for some fortunate few, what we love to do!! Travel very often forms part thereof. And, more often than not, someone is left behind…
Let’s initially take it from the perspective of “the one staying behind”. So I am with someone, who inevitably will be leaving for a long period of time, to a destination not reached by vehicle (from where I am anyway) and, where technological communication may be hindered at times. My question is; how do you prepare yourself for the “departure date”? And, thereafter, what’s the best way to handle the situation?
Do you simply man the f up and carry on, doing your best to just not think of that other person? Do you take the drastic route and rather terminate the relationship upon departure so as to “spare” each other’s feelings when longing increases and things get harder to handle? Do you remain completely positive at all times (which we would all love to do in all circumstances but it’s never that easy or that simple), remembering that that person is doing what they love and though the distance sucks, it’s not the end of the world…?
The moments of pining are sure to come. The moments of sad self-pity are sure to come. The moments of insecurity are sure to come. And… one will get used to it, to the point of being able to completely function fully and perfectly well without the person who left. Life goes on!! Whether we want it to or not! It does and it will.
So what should one do?
I don’t actually have the answers thereto. I do however know a few things that MAY help (but we will have to see-and in time we shallJ). I know that life is short and (at the risk of sounding like a hallmark card) we really must make the best of it. So, if you enjoy spending time with someone and you care about that person, do so-even if they are going away. BUT, when the time comes time to say goodbye-the sad self-pity route isn’t going to be constructive-it may be inevitable at times (particularly late at night when one is all alone)but it is not going to win thebattle. Like anything in life-we have a choice! Yes, it will suck, to have the person you care about fly away for a potentially undefined amount of time, but life carries on, you can still be happy! Miss that person but allow yourself to be happy still, find things to take up the time you would have spent together (I am not saying forget it all and move on) but find the coping mechanism that works in a positive way and think of that person with happiness and good longing for safe return-not in sad woe-is me longing which will make that person feel worse about not being there…
BUT-HAHA! I have a big mount now! I realise that! I am preaching to myself is all-trying to cement in me the notion of positivity and happy longing rather than the sad kind…
I shall be taking the journey sometime and will share my perspectives as I go along! I fear I may be commenting on this later with words depicting my naiveté and sheer ignorance.
Posted though, you shall be keptJ
No comments:
Post a Comment